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Divine Energy is like "Chocolate for the Soul"

Everyone You Meet is the Beloved

Everyone You Meet is the Beloved
Kathy Roman•Feb 16, 2018

SPIRITUALITY
When we look beyond the veil of outward appearances and circumstances, people aren’t always what they appear to be.

Last week I went shopping for a sofa at a major furniture store. I knew exactly what I was looking for and how much I wanted to spend, so when the salesman started to veer me off course, I became somewhat impatient. I was still cordial, but when he left after our conversation, I got an “off” feeling in my stomach that I get when something is wrong. When I questioned the feeling, I realized that I hadn’t demonstrated my best behavior, and I felt regretful. Immediately I remembered a story which made me view the salesman in a new light:

As told by Snoops “Lesson in Compassion,” a real-life study was conducted for a social psychology class at Princeton University in 1970. Students at a religious institute enrolled in a class on the life of Jesus arrive at their classroom to take the final exam and find a notice informing them that the test will be given in another building on the other side of the campus. As the students rush across campus to the new room, each is accosted by a forlorn beggar who entreats their help. None of the students stops for him, however—they all rush by, anxious to arrive on time for the exam.

The instructor is waiting for the students when they finally reach the classroom. He explains to them that the beggar was an actor, planted by him to test their reactions. Because the students did not demonstrate that they had acquired any compassion while studying the life of Jesus, they all failed the exam.

This experiment made me think about my experience with the salesman. What if he was an angel in disguise—and even if he wasn’t, isn’t every face the face of God?

O son of man! Deny not My servant should he ask anything from thee, for his face is My face; be then abashed before Me. – Baha’u’llah, The Hidden Words, p. 11.

Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unawares. – Hebrews 13:2.

When I was shopping, all I could perceive was a salesman who was needlessly walking me around a large store trying to get me to buy things I didn’t want. Interestingly enough, he did show me a piece of furniture I didn’t even realize I wanted until I saw it. His seemingly annoying behavior took me to exactly what I needed! More confirmations flooded into my head as I remembered one of my favorite stories that reminded me that things aren’t always as they seem.

Baha’u’llah’s mystical work The Seven Valleys tells an enchanting tale of a lover searching for his beloved. In separation from her for many long years, he wasted away in the fire of remoteness. Time consumed him and in his pain he found no rest, peace, nor sleep. The doctors knew no cure since only the sight of his beloved could deliver him.

At last, one night, he could bear the pain no longer and he left his house in despair. Suddenly he heard a guard following him. The lover broke into a run but the man he feared only grew menacingly closer. He then cried from his heart, “Surely this watchman is Izrá’íl, my angel of death, following so fast upon me; or he is a tyrant of men, seeking to harm me.” Then, as the story goes:

He came to a garden wall, and with untold pain he scaled it, for it proved very high; and forgetting his life, he threw himself down to the garden. And there he beheld his beloved with a lamp in her hand, searching for a ring she had lost. When the heart-surrendered lover looked on his ravishing love, he drew a great breath and raised up his hands in prayer, crying: “O God! Give Thou glory to the watchman, and riches and long life. For the watchman was Gabriel, guiding this poor one; or he was Isráfíl, bringing life to this wretched one!”

Indeed, his words were true, for he had found many a secret justice in this seeming tyranny of the watchman, and seen how many a mercy lay hid behind the veil. Out of wrath, the guard had led him who was athirst in love’s desert to the sea of his loved one, and lit up the dark night of absence with the light of reunion. He had driven one who was afar, into the garden of nearness, had guided an ailing soul to the heart’s physician.

Now if the lover could have looked ahead, he would have blessed the watchman at the start, and prayed on his behalf, and he would have seen that tyranny as justice; but since the end was veiled to him, he moaned and made his plaint in the beginning. – Baha’u’llah, The Seven Valleys, pp. 13-15.

Recalling a thoughtful parable, as told by the poet Rumi, I am determined now to see each person with new eyes, because God works in mysterious ways and behind each face hides the face of the Beloved:
This enthralling story made me realize that I must be grateful for whoever comes into my life, because each has been sent as a guide and a gift from God. At the end of the afternoon and after my soul searching, I went to find my salesman’s manager to thank for his help. My salesman turned out to be just the person I needed to encounter that day.

The Guest House

This being human is a guest house.
Every day a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
As an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

The opinions and views expressed in this article are those of the author only and do not necessarily reflect the opinion of BahaiTeachings.org or any institution of the Baha’i Faith.

 

Kathy Roman is a retired foster youth educator, aspiring writer, wife and mother of two who lives in Elk Grove, CA where she serves as the Baha’i Public Information Officer.

The Mistake I Made with My Grieving Friend

The Mistake I Made with My Grieving Friend

The author of We Need to Talk reveals how she learned to help—and not help—a friend with loss.
Photo: Simone Golob/Getty Images
A good friend of mine lost her dad some years back. I found her sitting alone on a bench outside our workplace, not moving, just staring at the horizon. She was absolutely distraught and I didn’t know what to say to her. It’s so easy to say the wrong thing to someone who is grieving and vulnerable. So, I started talking about how I grew up without a father. I told her that my dad had drowned in a submarine when I was only 9 months old and I’d always mourned his loss, even though I’d never known him. I just wanted her to realize that she wasn’t alone, that I’d been through something similar and could understand how she felt.

But after I related this story, my friend looked at me and snapped, “Okay, Celeste, you win. You never had a dad, and I at least got to spend 30 years with mine. You had it worse. I guess I shouldn’t be so upset that my dad just died.”

I was stunned and mortified. My immediate reaction was to plead my case. “No, no, no,” I said, “that’s not what I’m saying at all. I just meant that I know how you feel.” And she answered, “No, Celeste, you don’t. You have no idea how I feel.”

She walked away and I stood there helplessly, watching her go and feeling like a jerk. I had totally failed my friend. I had wanted to comfort her, and instead, I’d made her feel worse. At that point, I still felt she misunderstood me. I thought she was in a fragile state and had lashed out at me unfairly when I was only trying to help.

But the truth is, she didn’t misunderstand me at all. She understood what was happening perhaps better than I did. When she began to share her raw emotions, I felt uncomfortable. I didn’t know what to say, so I defaulted to a subject with which I wascomfortable: myself.

I may have been trying to empathize, at least on a conscious level, but what I really did was draw focus away from her anguish and turn the attention to me. She wanted to talk to me about her father, to tell me about the kind of man he was, so I could fully appreciate the magnitude of her loss. Instead, I asked her to stop for a moment and listen to my story about my dad’s tragic death.

From that day forward, I started to notice how often I responded to stories of loss and struggle with stories of my own experiences. My son would tell me about clashing with a kid in Boy Scouts, and I would talk about a girl I fell out with in college. When a co-worker got laid off, I told her about how much I struggled to find a job after I had been laid off years earlier. But when I began to pay a little more attention to how people responded to my attempts to empathize, I realized the effect of sharing my experiences was never as I intended. What all of these people needed was for me to hear them and acknowledge what they were going through. Instead, I forced them to listen to me and acknowledge me.

Sociologist Charles Derber describes this tendency to insert oneself into a conversation as “conversational narcissism.” It’s the desire to take over a conversation, to do most of the talking and to turn the focus of the exchange to yourself. It is often subtle and unconscious. Derber writes that conversational narcissism “is the key manifestation of the dominant attention-getting psychology in America. It occurs in informal conversations among friends, family and co-workers. The profusion of popular literature about listening and the etiquette of managing those who talk constantly about themselves suggests its pervasiveness in everyday life.” Derber describes two kinds of responses in conversations: a shift response and a support response. The first shifts attention back to yourself, and the second supports the other person’s comment. Here is a simple illustration:

Shift Response
Mary: I’m so busy right now.
Tim: Me too. I’m totally overwhelmed.

Support Response
Mary: I’m so busy right now.
Tim: Why? What do you have to get done?

Here’s another example:

Shift Response
Karen: I need new shoes.
Mark: Me too. These things are falling apart.

Support Response
Karen: I need new shoes.
Mark: Oh yeah? What kind are you thinking about?

Shift responses are a hallmark of conversational narcissism. They help you turn the focus constantly back to yourself. But a support response encourages the other person to continue their story. These days, I try to be more aware of my instinct to share stories and talk about myself. I try to ask questions that encourage the other person to continue. I’ve also made a conscious effort to listen more and talk less.

Recently, I had a long conversation with a friend of mine who was going through a divorce. We spent almost 40 minutes on the phone, and I barely said a word. At the end of our call, she said, “Thank you for your advice. You’ve really helped me work some things out.” The truth is, I hadn’t actually offered any advice; most of what I said was a version of “That sounds tough. I’m sorry this is happening to you.” She didn’t need advice or stories from me. She just needed to be heard.

We Need to TalkThis excerpt was taken from We Need to Talk: How to Have Conversations That Matter, by Celeste Headlee. Headlee is the host of the daily news show On Second Thought on Georgia Public Radio.

Read more: http://www.oprah.com/inspiration/celeste-headlee-the-mistake-i-made-with-my-grieving-friend#ixzz56uFybrO8

How Altruism Can Reduce the Poverty and Wealth Gap

Baha’is believe that previous efforts to reduce or eliminate the great disparities of wealth and poverty failed because they did not include a strong spiritual component.

Human society requires two major ingredients to enact solutions to its economic problems—not only new laws that regulate and alter gross economic disparities, but also a spiritually-based change in the human consciousness—and conscience—brought about by altruism and love. The Baha’i teachings say that we cannot create an egalitarian, divine civilization by legislation alone—the human heart must change to make it fully possible. We need a truly spiritual solution to our economic problems.

We all know that past attempts to legislate absolute economic equality among all people haven’t worked. Most systems that have used solely legal means to do so are now defunct. The Baha’i teachings say a strictly law-based approach will never serve as a workable solution to the age-old problem of wealth and poverty:

We see amongst us men who are overburdened with riches on the one hand, and on the other those unfortunate ones who starve with nothing; those who possess several stately palaces, and those who have not where to lay their head. Some we find with numerous courses of costly and dainty food; whilst others can scarce find sufficient crusts to keep them alive. Whilst some are clothed in velvets, furs and fine linen, others have insufficient, poor and thin garments with which to protect them from the cold.

This condition of affairs is wrong, and must be remedied. Now the remedy must be carefully undertaken. It cannot be done by bringing to pass absolute equality between men. – Abdu’l-BahaParis Talks, p. 152.

Instead, Baha’is believe, some differences in the economic prosperity of people will always exist. Because people have different capacities, talents and abilities, the concept of pure economic equality can never become a reality. Instead, the Baha’i teachings say that the great extremes of wealth and poverty should be both legally regulated and voluntarily remediated—a combined law-based and soul-based “adjustment in the means of livelihood” that will eliminate the extremes of wealth and poverty:

Each one of you must have great consideration for the poor and render them assistance. Organize in an effort to help them and prevent increase of poverty. The greatest means for prevention is that whereby the laws of the community will be so framed and enacted that it will not be possible for a few to be millionaires and many destitute. One of Baha’u’llah’s teachings is the adjustment of means of livelihood in human society. Under this adjustment there can be no extremes in human conditions as regards wealth and sustenance. For the community needs financier, farmer, merchant and laborer just as an army must be composed of commander, officers and privates. All cannot be commanders; all cannot be officers or privates. Each in his station in the social fabric must be competent—each in his function according to ability but with justness of opportunity for all. – Abdu’l-BahaThe Promulgation of Universal Peace, p. 216.

The Baha’i teachings do not recommend attempting to artificially equalize all resources or all people—but they do recommend an organized, altruistic effort to eliminate the great extremes on both ends of the economic scale:

Some are too rich, some are too poor, some have millions and some have nothing. An organization is necessary to control this state of affairs. It is necessary to limit riches or it is necessary to limit poverty. Either extreme is wrong. There should be a medium state. If it is right for a capitalist to possess a great fortune, then it is also just that a workman should have means of existence. If poverty is allowed to reach a condition of starvation, it proves that there is a tyranny. Men must see that this does not happen in any case. There must be special laws. The rich must give of their plenty. If they have more than they need they must think of those who are in want.

The government of a country should make laws which conform to the Divine Law. The Law of God exacts that there should be neither excessive wealth nor excessive poverty. – Abdu’l-BahaStar of the West, Volume 2, p. 6.

In some enlightened nations around the world, these kinds of adjustment efforts have already begun. Taxation policies in many developed countries often prevent the gross accumulation of obscene wealth among the very rich, for example, and government assistance programs often prevent homelessness and starvation for the very poor.

Increasingly in many societies, the extremely wealthy also consciously and voluntarily contribute a significant portion of their wealth toward the efforts of governments and non-profit organizations to alleviate and address poverty:

The essence of the Baha’i spirit is that, in order to establish a better social order and economic condition, there must be allegiance to the laws and principles of government. Under the laws which are to govern the world, the socialists may justly demand human rights but without resort to force and violence. The governments will enact these laws, establishing just legislation and economics in order that all humanity may enjoy a full measure of welfare and privilege; but this will always be according to legal protection and procedure. Without legislative administration, rights and demands fail, and the welfare of the commonwealth cannot be realized … Rightful privilege and demand must be set forth in laws and regulations.

While thousands are considering these questions, we have more essential purposes. The fundamentals of the whole economic condition are divine in nature and are associated with the world of the heart and spirit. This is fully explained in the Baha’i teaching, and without knowledge of its principles no improvement in the economic state can be realized. The Baha’is will bring about this improvement and betterment but not through sedition and appeal to physical force—not through warfare, but welfare. Hearts must be so cemented together, love must become so dominant that the rich shall most willingly extend assistance to the poor and take steps to establish these economic adjustments permanently. If it is accomplished in this way, it will be most praiseworthy because then it will be for the sake of God and in the pathway of His service. For example, it will be as if the rich inhabitants of a city should say, “It is neither just nor lawful that we should possess great wealth while there is abject poverty in this community,” and then willingly give their wealth to the poor, retaining only as much as will enable them to live comfortably. – Abdu’l-BahaThe Promulgation of Universal Peace, pp. 238-239.

The opinions and views expressed in this article are those of the author only and do not necessarily reflect the opinion of BahaiTeachings.org or any institution of the Baha’i Faith.

The Heart of the Matter

When was your last broken heart?  Was it over a love lost or concern for a family member’s well-being?  Did you suffer a reversal of fortune?

Consider what happened and how you felt. Most anguish over the setbacks and sufferings of their loved ones.  All may understand and commiserate over another’s pain and suffering.  However, could you be similarly concerned for a person in the perverse position of fearing the loss of something unwholesome or worse – evil?   Robert E. Lee’s December 27, 1856 letter to his wife illustrates such sympathy.  He admits slavery is a “moral and political evil” that enlists his feelings for its victims, but his heart allied with slavery’s perpetrators who feared losing their precious – however improper – prerogatives and property.

…There are few, I believe, in this enlightened age, who will not acknowledge that slavery as an institution is a moral and political evil.  …I think it is a greater evil to the white than to the colored race. While my feelings are strongly enlisted in behalf of the latter, my sympathies are more deeply engaged for the former. – Robert E. Lee

Robert Lee’s concerns for slave owners illustrates the peculiar predicament of a heart wedded to an admitted evil.   It can’t see.  Perverse desires prevent Salvation.  Christ illuminates the perils of the dynamic beautifully here.

For this people’s heart has become calloused; they hardly hear with their ears, and they have closed their eyes.  Otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears, understand with their hearts and turn, and I would convert them. – Matthew 13:15

Lee’s generation of southern slave owners treasured the inequitable advantages of free labor and would not willingly forsake their possessions for anything divine.  Christ calls us to detach our hearts from the things of the earth how much more its evils.  In the excerpt below regarding abolitionists Lee asserts that he would rather fight than eschew the precious advantages procured through slavery and racism.

…this institution, for which they are irresponsible and non-accountable, can only be changed by them through the agency of a civil… war. – Robert E. Lee

Many in America shared Lee’s unholy all-consuming determination to preserve an acknowledged abomination.  This was the heart of the matter and the cause of the war.  The Almighty had for a time allowed the institution, but the Day of Judgement was at hand.  The time had come to remove the veils and sweep away the impediments to justice.

Observe equity in your judgment, ye men of understanding heart! He that is unjust in his judgment is destitute of the characteristics that distinguish man’s station. He Who is the Eternal Truth knoweth well what the breasts of men conceal. His long forbearance hath emboldened His creatures, for not until the appointed time is come will He rend any veil asunder. – Baha’u’llahGleanings from the Writings of Baha’u’llah, p. 204.

Christ had returned in the Glory of the Father.  Baha’u’llah inseminated the earth with the embryonic conscientiousness of the oneness of humanity.  Humanity is insensibly drawn to fulfill God’s will.  The Kingdom of God emerges in fits and starts through crisis and victory inexorably sweeping away inequitable institutions as it reveals a divine order derived from institutions based on justice.

This is the Day in which God’s most excellent favors have been poured out upon men, the Day in which His most mighty grace hath been infused into all created things. …Soon will the present-day order be rolled up, and a new one spread out in its stead. Verily, thy Lord speaketh the truth, and is the Knower of things unseen.. – Baha’u’llahGleanings from the Writings of Baha’u’llah, p. 6-7.

Being diametrically opposed to the Spirit of the Age, Baha’u’llah abolished slavery.  God Almighty condemns all outlooks and every institution that veils the Holy Spirit from taking its rightful home – the human heart.

ALAS! ALAS! O LOVERS OF WORLDLY DESIRE!  …Ye bow the knee before your vain imagining and call it truth.  Ye have cast to the winds the loving counsels of the Beloved and have effaced them utterly from the tablet of your hearts, and even as the beasts of the field, ye move and have your being within the pastures of desire and passion. – Baha’u’llahThe Hidden Words of Baha’u’llah, p. 38.

This contest for the hearts of men was the battle for the soul of a nation.  On the one hand were the entrenched interests of slaveholding elite and their beneficiaries on the other the detached hearts illumined by the resuscitating influence of Christ Returned in the Glory of God.

Many expected the Advent would instantly remake the world.  However, from time immemorial God’s Manifestations transform earth by changing hearts.  Manifestations convert “satanic energy into heavenly power” through their speech and writings.  The Word of God inspires everyone even those who have no direct intercourse with the Manifestation of God on earth.  Baha’u’llah explains the process here:

Say: If it be Our pleasure We shall render the Cause victorious through the power of a single word from Our presence. He is in truth the Omnipotent, the All-Compelling.  However, since Our loving providence surpasseth all things, We have ordained that complete victory should be achieved through speech and utterance, that Our servants throughout the earth may thereby become the recipients of divine good. – Baha’u’llahTablets of Baha’u’llah, pp. 197-198.

Abraham Lincoln exemplifies the Spirit of the Age enabling a soul to effectively confront and ultimate overcome slavery.  Consider this first-hand account of the conversion of one of Mr. Lincoln’s hard-hearted critics who attended Lincoln’s Cooper Union Address on February 27, 1860.  .

He was tall… so angular and awkward that I had for an instant, a feeling of pity for so ungainly a man.  His clothes were ill fitting, badly wrinkled… …I said to myself” ‘Old fellow, you won’t do; it’s all very well for the Wild West, but this will never go down in New York.’  But pretty soon he began to get into his subject; he straightened up, made regular and graceful gestures; his face lighted as with an inward fire; the whole man was transfigured.  I forgot his clothes, his personal appearance, and his individual peculiarities.  Presently on my feet with the rest, yelling… cheering this wonderful man.  When I came out of the hall my face glowing with excitement and my frame all a-quiver, a friend, with his eye aglow asked me what I thought of Abe Lincoln, the rail spliter.  I said, He’s the greatest man since St. Paul. – Noah Brooks, Abraham Lincoln the Downfall of American Slavery, pp. 186-187

The Cooper Union address struck a chord that propelled Lincoln to prominence.  See below the sum and substance of the 7000-word address which spoke to both sides according to their heart’s understanding and attachment to the issue of slavery.

Let us have faith that right makes might, and in that faith, let us, to the end, dare to do our duty as we understand it. – Abraham Lincoln, Cooper Union Address, New York, New York
February 27, 1860

In the next article we assess the impact of Lincoln’s assent and the American response to the Day of Judgment.

The opinions and views expressed in this article are those of the author only and do not necessarily reflect the opinion of BahaiTeachings.org or any institution of the Baha’i Faith.

That Spreading Sense of Dread We Feel

 

The other day, when a friend of mine said “It seems like everyone feels a spreading sense of dread lately,” I knew what she meant.

Worry, nervousness, fear and anticipating the worst seem to afflict more and more people lately.

Somehow the world just seems a lot less stable than before, doesn’t it? Wars and the rumors of wars continue. Nuclear weapons proliferate, with some actually threatening to use them. Racial and religious hatred grows. Mass shootings, terrorist attacks and random threats keep us unsure and fearful about the future. Mounting natural disasters like hurricanes, earthquakes, floods and fires don’t seem so natural anymore, or so rare. People even doubt the permanence of our underlying social structure, cringing at the prospects of an imminent future and wondering if civilization itself could collapse under the weight of its own dreadful failings.

So if you wake up with a feeling of impending doom, you’re not alone.

Psychiatrists call this spreading sense of dread “generalized anxiety disorder,” defining it as a litany of symptoms like hopelessness, constant anxiousness, or sudden, intense fear and sadness about life in general. If allowed to continue, generalized anxiety disorders can cause panic attacks, fear-based apprehension and even ongoing depression.

But even if you don’t have an anxiety disorder, you may suffer from intermittent dread. The dictionary defines dread as “a steadily-escalating sense of foreboding.” Dread, basically, is the warning signal our body and mind produces when we fear the immediate or the long-term future, but have nothing specific enough to flee from or fight.

Have you experienced some of those symptoms? Do you sometimes feel a sense of free-floating anxiety, or have constant, low-level subconscious dread? Do you worry excessively about the future? You might be too busy or unaware to recognize those feelings, but many people have them, so you may want to search your soul to see if they’re playing any role in your psychological landscape.

If you do have feelings of fear, dread or anxiety, the Baha’i teachings have a prescription for relief, exemplified in this story Abdu’l-Baha told in Haifa, Palestine during World War I. After the visit of some frightened Palestinians who asked Abdu’l-Baha for his advice, he said:

These people who called on us today were in a state of fright. They are expecting daily the bombardment of Haifa by the foreign warships. As soon as they see a little moving speck in the horizon of the sea, they look through their glasses, anxiously scanning to see whether these are the expected cruisers. Their hearts are in a state of anxiety. They are terror-stricken. They have no peace of mind. This is one of the signs of absence of faith. It is stated in the Qur’an: “They imagine every cry raised is an enemy unto them.” For example, when a thief enters a house, the least noise causes his flight. He trembles and quakes.

But the hearts of the people of faith are assured. If they are surrounded by a thousand enemies they stand firm on their ground. The greatest divine bounty is a confident heart. When the heart is confident, all the trials of the world will be as child’s play. Should they throw him into prison, should they cast him into a black well, should they heap upon him all manner of afflictions, still his heart is content, peaceful and assured. – Abdu’l-BahaStar of the West, Volume 5, p. 241.

“The greatest divine bounty,” Abdu’l-Baha said, “is a confident heart.” So how do we develop confident hearts?

Abdu’l-Baha seems to suggest, in this passage, that a confident heart has three main attributes: assurance, courage and faith.

All of those qualities have one thing in common—they face the future with an attitude of welcoming, optimistic hope rather than dread.

The Baha’i teachings offer that hope to humanity.

In this series of essays, we’ll examine the foreboding, pessimism and dread so many people experience, and see if we can find, amidst the wisdom and insight the Baha’i teachings offer, the spiritual antidote for those feelings of hopelessness and impending doom.

The opinions and views expressed in this article are those of the author only and do not necessarily reflect the opinion of BahaiTeachings.org or any institution of the Baha’i Faith.