The difference between EMPATHY and SYMPATHY

For some people empathy and sympathy are the same. But it does not matter what we call it, because this is not about the meaning of words. There is a distinction to be understood between two quite different ways of seeing people.

The empathy is part of the 2 spectacular keys for a healthy relationship that we have presented in a previous article: „listening with empathy” and „speaking with assertiveness”.

In one of the articles devoted to improving communication I presented three practical examples that can be used to practice the “listening with empathy.”

In this article I present another practical example which will show the difference between empathy and sympathy in communication.

Imagine someone comes to you and says:

“I don’t know what to do. I can’t cope with this. It’s getting me down.”

If you were their parent or their manager, which of the following two responses would you prefer to make?

A: Oh, you poor thing. It’s obviously too much for you. Let me help. I’ll see if I can find a way to relieve you of the problem.

B: You seem very worried. Let’s look together at exactly what the difficulty is. Perhaps I can help you discover how you can get on top of it.

Both responses show compassion and a wish to be helpful, but there is a big difference.

Response A is sorry for people and tries to rescue them. This is what we call sympathy.

Response B is what we call empathy. It sees the best in people – their potential – and wants to help them see it in themselves. It helps them face their difficulties. It aims to develop their self-confidence, determination and sense of responsibility.

People learn important lessons about themselves from our responses to them, because how we see them – though we may not realize it – is how we are teaching them to see themselves. The trouble with sympathy is it encourages people to be sorry for themselves:

“Ah, poor me. If only this hadn’t happened to me.”

It teaches them to see themselves as victims. It encourages them in a belief full of fear:

“I’m not the sort of person who can cope when this sort of thing happens to me”.

And this of course is a self- fulfilling prophecy.

Empathy on the other hand teaches something quite different:

“I’ll find a way to manage this difficulty because that’s the sort of person I am. Let me see what valuable lesson for life I can learn from this experience?”

This too is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Common mental habits that get in the way of empathy

Connecting well with others is not easy. There may be obstacles – common mental habits that get in the way. The trouble with habits we are unaware of is they exert hidden power over us. The first step in overcoming them is becoming aware of them.

Which of the following habits are you aware of in yourself?

1. The belief that since you are not much good at empathy there’s no point in really trying

This belief is obviously another self-fulfilling prophecy. How about simply laying it aside? You will find the practice of empathy very rewarding.

2. Preoccupation with one’s own thoughts

 Some people only understand others whose thoughts coincide with their own. They have yet to learn that they are perfectly free to flick the switch – lay aside their own thoughts and focus completely on someone else’s.

3. The spectacles through which we see another person are rarely pure and clear

They are very often tinted or contaminated by our own opinions and prejudices. Usually we are oblivious of this and assume that people really are as we think we see them.

The thought that perhaps they are not, and that the image we have of them is not really them at all but an interpretation of them, a picture painted by us, may be unwelcome. But we all have this tendency, and it helps if we are aware of it.

4. A sense of similarity with the person one is listening to or with what they are talking about.

It is very easy to make assumptions. One is that the problem one is listening to is similar to a problem of one’s own. Instead of listening with an open mind, one listens selectively for evidence to support the assumption that the problem is similar to one’s own and that one’s own solution will be useful to the other person – but it rarely is.

5. Solutionitis.

Some people are so keen to offer a solution that they jump prematurely to the wrong conclusion about what the other person’s problem is. Instead of keeping an open mind they try to make the problem fit the solution they already have in mind.

6. Fear of hearing a problem to which one does not know the answer

Some people believe that if they cannot produce an answer they are, or are seen to be, failing to live up to expectations. The result can be that they try to relate everything they hear to the things to which they already know the answers. They are afraid to hear anything else.

7. Discomfort in talking about feelings.

Some people are not used to talking about feelings, are uncomfortable about it, and rarely do it. Perhaps they are assuming others will be embarrassed, but actually people normally find talking about feelings a relief.

8. Lack of awareness of feelings.

Some people have trained themselves to avoid thinking about feelings. They have a strong drive to be rational and logical, and have believed that emotion clouds logic. This is a mistake. It is suppression of emotion that clouds logic. But the result of this belief is that they are out of practice at recognizing feelings, not just their own, but other people’s too.

About The Author

Legal Sciences Master, Critical Thinking Specialist and Professional Internet Marketer
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Bahá’u’lláh says there is a sign (from God) in every phenomenon: the sign of the intellect is contemplation and the sign of contemplation is silence, because it is impossible for a man to do two things at one time–he cannot both speak and meditate.
It is an axiomatic fact that while you meditate you are speaking with your own spirit. In that state of mind you put certain questions to your spirit and the spirit answers: the light breaks forth and the reality is revealed.
Abdu’l-Bahá (PARIS TALKS )

“In a crystal we have clear evidence of the existence of a formative life principle, and though we cannot understand the life of a crystal, it is nonetheless a living being.” – Nikola Tesla

Quote from: “The Problem of Increasing Human Energy” by Nikola Tesla, June 1900

Crystals are far more than just ‘rocks’. Crystals are alive and conscious. Looking at the periodic table of the elements; carbon is the sixth element, which is associated with ll organic chemistry and everything that is normally considered to be alive. But directly below it, one octave below, is the element of silicon, the primary element of quartz crystal and 80% of the Earth’s crust.

In the 50’s, scientists discovered that silicon and carbon displayed the same exact principles of life. Carbon and Silicone are the only two elements known that create life.

Science has found life-forms deep in the ocean that are alive, conscious, and reproductive, whose bodies are made up of 100% silicon, with no carbon whatsoever.

. Marcel Vogel, a world-renowned scientist who holds over 200 patents, including one for the floppy disk, discovered that crystals are able to receive and send both human thoughts and emotions. It makes since when you realize that the first radio in the world was a “crystal set”. You simply placed a quartz crystal on a table, touched a wire to the crystal somewhere on it and you could hear the radio signal through the speakers. The crystal was picking up the electromagnetic signal in the radio band of frequencies.

Both human thoughts are also found in the electromagnetic range of frequencies. Thoughts are very very long wavelengths compared to radio waves, but except for the length of their wavelengths, they are exactly the same. So why wouldn’t a crystal be able to pick up your thoughts?

Computers are nothing but crystals, and without crystals, computers would not exist. it is the living nature of a crystal that allows computers to do what they do. Natural crystals can hold a ‘program’, which means a thought pattern, and continue to replay that thought pattern for eternity unless someone erases the program. A properly programmed crystal can change and influence vast area in the human world.

Read more about crystals: http://perdurabo10.tripod.com/storagej/id72.html

http://consciouslifenews.com/crystals-living-beings-ask-teal-episode-about-crystals-gemstones-video/1138514/

Were it not for tests, pure gold could not be distinguished from the impure. Were it not for tests, the courageous could not be separated from the cowardly. Were it not for tests, the people of faithfulness could not be known from the disloyal. 
― `Abdu’l-Bahá, Divine Art of Living, page 87.

We get stronger and grow through test and difficulties.  It is through tests that we are able to build our character, and appreciate what we have. Without the darkness we would not recognize the light. If we did not experience discomfort and live without, we would not be grateful for all that we have and be able to truly enjoy it. Test and difficulties give us perspective and depth that we would not have otherwise.  Being able to recognize what we are going through, and not panicking helps us release the negative emotions, pain,  and discomfort so we can move through the lesson, and the test without suffering.